As much as I'd love to tell you who was crowned the winner tonight of 'RuPaul's Drag Race' — and that it was Sharon Needles! — I just can't.

Not because she didn't win. And not because she clearly doesn't deserve to (sloppy dancing notwithstanding). It's because Ru, in all her twisted fierceness, has yet to tell us.

Not funny, RuPaul. Not funny at all.

The final three — Sharon, Chad Michaels and Phi Phi O'Hara — were challenged to star in a music video for RuPaul single 'Glamazon.' That included choreography from the gorgeous Candis Cayne and sexy(ish) monster costumes. Then, for the first time ever, all three were required to lip-sync for their lives in front of the judges.

Things got intense. Chad's face actually expressed emotion. Phi Phi's Flintstone bathing suit grew more ridiculous with each look. Sharon looked half-dead. (Oh, wait …)

And then — nothing. After the girls worked the stage to 'Glamazon,' Ru tells them the winner is … announced next week. At the reunion.

Um, excuse me? What? WHAT. Then why a finale? Why not make next week the finale? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US, RUPAUL. (I seriously fielded texts, phone calls, tweets and facebook messages about this within the span of about 10 minutes.)

Based on what we saw tonight, I'm still firmly Team Sharon. Sure, she had some trouble dancing. But she aced the acting, the comedy and the runway. She's charismatic. She's funny. She's a star.

Past winners Tyra and Raja showed up, looking like extras from a community theater production of 'Crybaby,' and dished out some advice. There were some genuinely sweet moments between the girls and during Ru's annual Tic-Tac dinner. Chad lives with his mom and has issues with his dad. Phi Phi was put in the hospital by his dad. Sharon is scared her partner will resent her win.

Oh, and hilarious fight scenes! 'Dynasty' realness, y'all. And quite possibly the best moment of all. Oh, to be the hand on that can:

Chad is gorgeous and elegant and funny. Phi Phi just isn't ready. This has to be Sharon's crown to lose. Don't (BEEP) it up, Ru.

The 'RuPaul's Drag Race' reunion airs at 8 p.m. Monday on Logo.