And of the lizardly varieties available to be nicknamed after--some proud and majestic (I'm looking at you, Komodo Dragon and not you, Horny Toad, you're an amphibian anyway)--his chosen nickname was to be "Newt": a lizard usually associated with witchcraft, bubbling cauldrons, and the quintessential "Eye of" magical ingredient used to cast hexes on the neighbor's cows.

In the interests of karma, I only mention this because Newt Gingrich, wayyyy back when he was the failed, disgraced, ethics-charged Speaker of the House and hounding Bill Clinton for an affair with a staffer while having one of his own--Newt the Lizard was the original author of the 1996 GOPAC memo on the impact of words and how they viscerally affect our lizard brains. Language: A Key Mechanism of Control

Thank you, Newt the Lizard, for the ubiquitous Fox News term "Democrat" used as an adjective because it sounds like "-rat." "The Democrat Plan..."

Wikipedia tells me that "Newt" is actually short for "Newton Leroy" but Newton Leroy is another man and another story and perhaps another marriage...Early commenters and not unfortunately Wikipedia also tells me that Newts are Aquatic Amphibians (shut up, Horny Toads, so are you!) and not lizards.

If President Obama has the great luck to face Newt Gingrich in a general election, we should all remember that Newt the Snake, Newt the Horny Toad (4th graders know not of such things as taste or zoology), Newt the Lizard has a pattern of behavior that fits his name.

Newt's a lizard. I'm just sayin'.

Update: facts learned while trying to write a quick one-off dairy making fun of Newt's nickname:

1. Newts are not lizards. HT the world
2. Newts are salamanders.
3. Horny Toads are not, in fact, amphibians, nor Toads, but ARE in fact lizards. With horny skin and should not be confused with real newts-not-named-Gingrich. (HT sun dog)
4. Snakes are actually reptiles and like newts are not slimy on the outside and like Newt the Lizard are not actually amphibians either. I wasn't confused on this one, yet, and to further mitigate this point, I am aware that chickens are dinosaurs. Or the reverse.

I have more research to do.