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Updated: January 17, 2012 2:09AM

The Cain file . . .

Zzzzzzzzzzz: As the nation awaits former GOP presidential hopeful Herman "I wanna be a member of the White House Cabinet" Cain's announcement (yawn) Thursday before the South Carolina primary, the Chicago woman he allegedly wronged continues to have a string of bad luck.

◆ To wit: Sneed is told Sharon Bialek, the bodacious blond who bopped Cain by accusing him of being sexually aggressive to her while she was in pursuit of a job when he was head of the National Restaurant Association, recently lost out on her bid to become an ad saleswoman at WIND-radio.

◆ Translation: "She showed up three hours late for an interview, [a delay] she claimed was caused by bad weather," said a source.

Poison Penn . . .

The state of the Penn man's ship: Actor Sean Penn, who is now an official "ambassador-at-large" for Haiti due to his relief work for the earthquake-devastated country — felt his new title of "Mr. Ambassador" would be more helpful than "being called hey you (bleep.)" Ah, class.

The Weekend pickup . . .

◆ Hoop scoop: Mayor Rahm Emanuel and President Barack Obama's best friend/basketball buddy Eric Whitaker attended the Morgan Park vs. Simeon boys basketball game Friday night. (Simeon, which stars USA Basketball Male Athlete of the Year, Jabari Parker, won.)

◆ Droop loop: Whatever happened to the separation of church and state? Obama best buddy, senior adviser Valerie Jarrett, who no longer holds much sway over the rest of the president's advisers, spent Sunday speaking from Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.'s pulpit in Atlanta, blasting . . . Republicans!

◆ Power loop: In case you weren't focusing, that was Mayor Emanuel's mega-agent brother, Ari Emanuel, being thanked by Golden Globes winner Martin Scorsese.

Scoopsville . . .

Vote 'em: Watch for the Chicago Board of Elections to announce a $377,000 Pentagon grant to automate the dispatch and ballot marking system for troops and civilians overseas.

◆ The upshot: The program and equipment will be in place for the March 2012 primary. Natch.

Downton data . . .

Baron Julian Fellowes, the creator of the hit PBS TV series "Downton Abbey," claims Highclere House — where the series is filmed in Hampshire, England — was also converted into a hospital during World War I — just like it is in the fictional show.

◆ The difference: The family who owned the house moved out during that time — contrary to the Downton script.

The Romney report . . .

Sneed hears top GOP presidential contender Mitt Romney has an ever-enlarging bulbous eye on South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley, who is of Indian descent, as his running mate.

Romney Report II . . .

Luck pluck: State Treasurer Dan Rutherford, who is Romney's Illinois campaign chairman, tells Sneed he's wrapped up
Romney's election petitions in a good
luck charm. "I bound them in the
leather laces of my old work boots," said Rutherford.

◆ Backshot: "I did the same to bind my election petitions when I ran for state treasurer, and I won. So I thought I'd do it again. I did it to represent the hard-working men and women of Illinois."？

Sneedlings . . .

Today's birthdays: Michelle Obama, 48; James Earl Jones, 81; Muhammad Ali, 70; Betty White, 90; Chuck Goudie, ageless; and belated wishes to Anita Alvarez.